Saturday, March 1, 2014

Hey I am human too

 Sunday night after I came back home from an outdoor concert, my spirit and the high echo of my laughter were just strangely moping around the hallways of my home and I was almost in the verge of tears. I felt as if a robber came through me during the event of that concert and internally rob me of my peace. So dramatically put but that's how I felt when in reality the eyes of my understanding of some aspect of my life were just unfolding themselves to me....

During this ride of life lessons I mastered the fact that the numbers in friendships doesn't mean a thing if this friend isn't there to Uplight and Enpower you. Do you know how wonderful it is to proudly say that you've been friends with someone for over 10 years, but what good can this wonderful be if you always feel that you are at the speed of competition with this friend? or worse if this friend flaunt every aspect of her life for you to feel crappy about your own? Exatcly nothing but draining and chaotic turmoils of B.S that will come out from that kind of friendship. There are times that I feel it's important to hold on to the almost lose strings of a friendship for the numbers of year that I have been friends with someone. This bad habit of holding on led me to remember the issue that I've been dealing with lately...

Often time I joke about the meaning of my first name which is Sophie and it's the Science of Wisdom. While I make my parents proud by carrying with grace and 'wisdom' I roll my eyes at how it can weight me down sometimes in some situations. I am fairly tolerant and every now and then I am slow to anger, no I am not reciting a Bible verse but that's the latest description that can I can fit my character these days. I remembered the disapointment that shadowed over me and the hurt that I felt when I listened assumptions and gossip from different parties about the present circumstances that were attacking my homechurch at the time. As my friend spoke with convictions of her "Woe upon Me" I listened carefully and nodded a few time but it was a hurtful thing that I caught from her form of freedom of speech that caught my attention and had my anger slowly rainsing to explose. I listened to her with no sign of impatience. I remained calm and shook my head a couple of time but at the end of the Church service I gathered my belongings and walked away and haven't set foot back in ever since. Once I got home there were no trace of calm left in me because I exploded my rage and had the blessings of my mom understanding me..No I did not break any of my mother vases. I was enraged because I did not tell her to STFU at the moment she was running her mouth during the blurry shouts of the sermon. I understand that we were both hurt at a situation that affected our fathers but at the end of the sheningan war, my father is the one who was more affected by it and that is why I felt so enraged because can you believe that I've missed an opportunity to put her in her place with all the love and respect that I have for our friendship.
What I have learn from this incident is that I should get rid of this slow death attitude of mine which is "Kee Calm" and instead calmy along with respect put people back into their place at the same moment that I feel verbally attacked. Notice that I weight my words a lot on placing someone with respect because the act of doing so as you are avoiding scandal fist of curses is classier and more mature. It's your right to stand up for yourself.It's going to be a challenge on my part but it's time for me to burry this slow to anger attitude and deal with it and get over it in the MOMENT the chaos is happening.

It's All Love
Sophie :)


Onyxsta Say-Bleurgh said...

Very thought provoking post.
Thank you for sharing and I wholeheartedly concur on the issue of the age of a friendship has no weight on its strength. Much like fine wine, sometimes chilling in the cellar does nothing for its taste and old wine tastes sour.

I recently parted with a friend I'd been butting heads with, and we were heading to that decade mark. But time and great friends (in that same social circle) helped me to realise that parting doesn't have to hold negative connotations, but rather, symbolise maturity and self-actualisation in the fact that you are both two very different people now and sometimes love needs distance.

Apologies for robing your airtime but i just identified with this post


Sophie with her Illustrations said...

Ahh please don't feet the need to apologize, I am actually delighted that you were able to identify yourself through this post. At some point we all hold onto some friendship that are toxic because of the numbered of years, as if we are racing to accumulate numbers when it's doing nothing to grow you or the friendship internally. I appreciate the fact that you shared your voice upon that issue. I am sorry to hear that you had to part from a long ago friendship, it's never easy to do but sometimes distance is necessary for your emotional sake.